November 23, 2016
November 23, 2016
Liars do not want to deal with the consequences even when they are over a trivial situation.
Lying usually begins in childhood: perfecting the ability to lie. Liars can convince themselves that the lie is the truth. Therefore, passing lie detector tests.
Liars lose a sense of reality. One individual told me he does not realize he is lying.
Sometimes the child is modeling the behavior of the adult who lies and when caught calls them "white lies." "White lies" are explained as saying something so as not to hurt the other person.
Usually the consequences are enough to convince people to tell the truth. The reverse is true of a liar. The thought of a spouse or parent screaming at them deters them from truth telling. Or in some cases the liar wishes to protect the individual from the truth that might hurt ones feelings.
Often the story that a liar tells oneself is worse than the reality of the situation. A husband tells his wife that he is stuck in traffic when he just wants to stop and purchase some socks that he needs. She checks the traffic and finds that it is running smoothly. Now she believes he has stopped to meet a woman. The story she tells herself is that he does not love her and feels abandoned. Her rage motivated by hurt is unleashed at him proving to him that he cannot tell her anything.
He tells himself that she is controlling and will not allow him any freedom to do simple things. The self inflicted stories keep unfolding with each spouse until they are ready to divorce over the fact that he bought a pair of socks. When he finally confesses what he did, the wife does not believe it. She believes that he has concocted this ridiculous story which makes no sense to her at all. She is insulted that he would believe that she would accept such an outrageous story.
The liar wanted to avoid a confrontation. The liar wants peace. The liar's belief that the spouse will jump to conclusions and will not deal with issues in a calm manner betrays the liar into continuing his lying behavior.
The liar feels (and imagines) which disengages the prefrontal lobes ability to think clearly.
The liar needs to become aware of his/her habit of lying. When a situation occurs that the person feels uncomfortable with and decides that the action must be hidden, it is time to write down ones thoughts. Then think through the entire situation. Ask oneself: "What has happened in the past? Will the lie really improve the situation? Maybe for the moment, but what about in the future when the lie is revealed? Am I really avoiding conflict or creating it?"
Liars have to want to change the discord that occurs from lying. Habitual liars need to learn skills in order to prevent then from ruining their life. They need to focus on what they think before it comes out of their mouth. No one can help them except them-self.
Habitual liars need to retrain themselves to (1). stop, (2). think, (3). review ones thoughts, (4). reevaluate the thoughts, (5). write the thoughts down and then (6). eliminate the lies.
This process helps them to become aware and focus on the consequences of a lie. It no longer allows them to deny their misgivings.