January 31, 2003
January 31, 2003
The tragedy of suicide for those loved ones left behind is devastating. One researcher likened it to the self-murder bludgeoning of his/her loved ones by the introspective act. I wouldn't accuse that of the person. Suicide is a personal behavior that may result from one of many of the following motivations.
Some cases of suicide are the direct result of:
1. Medication that has a negative repercussion on the bodyís neurological system.
2. Hormonal dysfunction's that impact on the brain causing overriding depression.
The recent suicidal acts of terrorists (and the Japanese Kamikaze bombers of World War II) resulted from a belief system that the glory of martyrdom will grant them a place in eternal heaven.
However, the belief system does not have to be motivated by any religion. In fact, a faith in God may actually deter a suicidal attempt. A feeling of being trapped in an intolerable, unacceptable situation that is more painful than facing death often leads some to take their life. That situation might be:
1. Having to face a shame or humiliation due to a criminal or immoral act.
2. Putting up with intolerable pain twenty-four hours a day due to some physical problem.
3. Feeling that some foul behavior might occur or actually facing the prospect of knowing that certain things might come to pass such as being raped, being unmercifully beaten, being pushed beyond emotional endurance.
4. Inability to live with fear caused by society such as the recent sniper attacks.
Fear takes over the reasoning power and, Thank God, that a very few people have a twisted rational of believing that a certain death is better than fearing the situation might happen.
Frequently the reason for the suicide dies with the person. So often the individual gets lost in an analogy similar to the labyrinth channels of the brain, as if those many convolutions are an impenetrable maze that the unfortunate soul can no longer cut through to find peace. The loved ones, the community, is left with the feelings of guilt of thinking why them? Why am I left behind to feel this pain? Children may later emulate a close relatives behavior in adulthood, as if, this is the path to model.
What do the grief stricken do with the guilt? First, each of us must realize that the stages of grief include feeling guilt over the death of anyone close to us. Secondly we must let go of the need to control all behaviors in the world. Life is in a power much higher than ourselves. Admit to having no control over life's happenings. Thirdly, once you have gotten past the first two steps outlined here, remind yourself that you are in the guilt stage of mourning. That this stage is a normal emotion to experience.
Next, talk to yourself and remind yourself each time that the guilt represents itself, 1. That you indeed cared for that person, but cannot control the happenstance's, 2. But you can redirect yourself to accept the feelings, and allow yourself to realize that you can put aside the guilt now, and go on.
If the victim would have wanted you to suffer, then you are allowing his/her to murder your soul. I doubt that the majority of persons had anyone in mind to suffer. That group just wanted to find a solution to a vexing problem. The individual had slammed all the doors for escape by not using outside sources such as physicians, counselors, hot lines, or just the friendly neighbor who might have redirected him/her to penetrate the enigma. Instead the individual should have reached out to the community resources for help, but did not. That is no living personís fault. There is no need for guilt, but guilt will be experienced in every mourning regardless of the extremes of care given to the loved one during their life time. It is a part of the natural process of grieving.