January 5, 2013
Misinterpretation of Love
It is difficult to accept the love from someone when we feel that the person does not think similarly or understand us.

I use these examples in my practice all the time to point out that males and females often misconstrue each others meanings;for exmple differences are similar to species differences. When I was a child we had a dog which loved to sit on the cat. The cat did not enjoy being sat on, but after many times of being caught and sat on and then released, the feline crouched and waited when she saw the canine coming. When our dog got tired of the game, he sauntered off and then the kitty ran up the tree.

Years later a mother Burmese gave birth to a litter in our bedroom. When her kittens were beyond her need to protect them she allowed our Irish setter to approach them. The kittens would play hide and go seek around the couch’s dust ruffle. Unknown to me until I put my hand down there, they would create a half-moon shaped wound into our dog. Our sweet tempered canine would only squeal and move away.

Dogs do not have fun the way cats do and vice versa. Men and women do not view life with the same perspective which causes major problems. (See articles which I wrote - Male Gender Difference on 8/24/09, Computer and Men on 10/3/2008,etc.)

Usually face to face discussions improve communications, but misunderstandings can also occur when the body, facial or language exhibited is misinterpreted by the spouse. In that case looking at each other when you discuss a subject will still lead to discord.

So how do we still love someone who clearly misconstrues not just one issue, but many issues? Certainly we can still love another for their essence, their basic goodness. How do we move towards the direction of total understanding?

If communication is the major flaw of togetherness, then why not just hold the person gently, look into one another’s eyes and let the love come through.

Go to a counselor who will help you sort out the issues. Frequently the differences are less than the similarities, but the false impressions prevent the relationship from flourishing.