February 1, 2018
Hands Off


My husband came home and began to caress my breasts. while I was preparing dinner on the stove with a baby crawling at my feel and the other youths playing nearby. I immediately became furious. When I dissected my negative reaction, I realized that I wanted to follow him into the bedroom, but that was impossible to do. I was responsible for the care of the children, not responsible to our emotional feelings. We were parents first, lovers second. It angered me that he did not respect my job of mothering.

Unfortunately men appear to believe that women have nothing on their minds but sex. Accusing women of not responding-meaning to them that the women is getting her satisfaction elsewhere. However, most women have on their minds, finances and child care concerns, food shopping and determining the daily menu for all plus its preparation, housekeeping, daily or weekly duties of maintaining fresh laundry for the family. The women's mind is not vacant. Running a household is similar to running a business. Multitasking while emotionally trying to discipline raucous children consumes the mind.

Imagine a man in his office talking with a client as several children act up, screaming and fusing over who gets the favored toy? Women handle all these issues plus chauffeuring the children to their many events. When she is ill or the children are ill she still nurses herself and them and her husband.

The added duties are increased as she maintains a full time position of employment elsewhere.
It is amazing that when she claims she is exhausted that the husband still demands that she care for him and service him. Yes intimacy becomes servicing. Is it any wonder that the women is no longer interested in coitus?

No longer feeling respected for her contributions, nor her self as a person, but being submitted to thoughtless reactions as if she were an object bought and paid for by the man. The women's self esteem becomes non-existent if she gives in to the pleading or demands of the husband.

Her initial excitement to his advances can not be satisfied at the moment that he wishes which eventually destroys her loving lust for him.

Men do not purchase wives in America. They are not for sale. Nor do wives owe the man intercourse because he desires it or because he supports her. That type of attitude denies her contributions and reduces her to the position to a slave.

Demanding intercourse is a physical statement of ownership. Marriage is not ownership. but a vow of love to give themselves to one another with the emphasis on love. When we take an object, that is considered stealing. Do not steal your attempts at love, men, or you will lose the love you seek.

A women does not owe a man for her maintenance. In most cases women contribute more than the man in labor: laundry child care, 9 months of pregnancy, food shopping. cooking, housekeeping, besides outside employment.

She owes you nothing. You both need to contribute your services together equally. Allow the loving aspect to happen naturally without demands and with respect for each other's feelings.

Women need to understand that men when aroused and turned down have a biological reaction of aggression and anger. Therefore, women need to let the man know he is still loved, but the circumstances are not in place for it to happen for them at that moment.

Men need to learn to control themselves and deal with their desires in a civilized manner, not caveman style.

Both sexes need to understand each other better.

This article is for a normal marriage, not meant for the dysfunctional one that has already broken down over the years. Much more guidance is needed in the case of long term problems. However, long term problems will not result, if the above information is utilized in the beginning of a relationship.