February 29, 2008

Different Cultures
We all know that the United States is the melting pot. What we don’t pay attention to is the word “melting” which confers the feelings of “hot and painful.” The stronger the differences in ones life style from childhood, the more adjustments need to be made in a marital situation. Certain nationalities are known for their hot temper, traditional roles, and controlling behaviors. The majority of adults today resist and reject that life style. Our legal system backs up egalitarian ways. People are sent to anger management classes if they are unable to control their emotions toward others. Divorce courts are filled with couples who refuse to be told how, when and what to do. This leaves people with the dilemma of “melting” with each other if they want to remain married.

Discuss what is high priority to each of you. Then, guidelines need to be established to maintain respect towards each other. If there is a conflict between the partners because the priorities are nonnegotiable then problem solving needs to be worked on. Then all, some or, one of these solutions needs to be adapted: Compromise, taking turns, or a creative approach.

Start with the similarities and strengths that you both agree on. List them. Then discuss how these positives might be used to render a new whole that you both can tolerate. Creative ideas are those which are outside the box, but often that approach works well. Each case must be fashioned according to the dictates of what is presented as the problem. Therefore, there are no books to dictate how you should handle your life together; only guidelines.

Counseling with a third party should be considered before arriving at the danger zones. Waiting to get assistance only creates a longer and more difficult road to harmony.