July 8, 2005

THE PARADOX OF CONTROL
The rediscovered version of ancient horse training, known today as Horse Whispering, contains a valuable lesson in humanity. Just as with people, when we do not control, we have the greatest amount of control there is. Understanding and respecting the other person is the key.

For those individuals who are not familiar with horse whispering, the technique is becoming one with the horse by being aware of its fears, its type of communication, and its thought process. Knowing that the horse fears humans because we are predators and therefore, assuring this particular horse that you mean it no harm by laying on the horse bareback allows the rider and the horse the trust needed.

Notice the significance of the word “Trust”. So many of the clients which seek out counseling have lost trust. Without that important aspect there is nothing with which to rebuild a relationship. Just as with horsemanship, the process of building an assurance that neither will hurt the other is important before communication is possible. Trust is the basis of communication and without it treaties can not be made, marriages can not be healed, children can not be disciplined, and horses can not be trained. However, the basic concept of “training” a horse is incorrect. Instead, we are communicating on the deepest level of the universe. Training suggests we are controlling. Horse Whispering is just the opposite. It is dealing with and accepting what is, in fact, already existing.

When we deal with relationships, we forget that our differences of sex, age, life styles, values, goals and so forth do not agree. We only want our own perception of those goals. Acknowledging horse “sense” is necessary before there can be a connection. We fall in love and then spend a inordinate amount of time trying to change the person to become a carbon copy of oneself. When we work with a horse, we do not become a horse, but instead create a team that works well with each other.

Wow! We can learn so much from Horse Whispering. Team Work. Not one person in charge of the other, but accepting and coordinating living styles to flow together harmoniously. Learn what hurts your partner and refrain from hurtful behavior. If there are unreasonable demands on either side, rethink how you will live with this. Perhaps, take turns with activities that are not interesting to your mate? Another suggestion; Coordinate and schedule dissimilar activities on the same night (get a baby-sitter) so that each may indulge in an interest not common to the other.

Lastly, if neither can tolerate the other’s life style, then other solutions need to be found. Unfortunately counselors interview couples who are stuck. They are neither in the relationship nor are they out of it. It would be as if you mounted the horse, but it refuses to move forward, instead it just backs up. Look above at the words in bold letters. How many of these do you have with your partner? Loving horse whispers may be the answer.