August 1, 2003
August 1, 2003
Shakespearean plays surround us in daily living. Unsuspecting “victims“ become the prey of a designing male or female under the guise of loving when really they are running a one on one-scam that may take years to uncover. The fairy tales of the wolf disguised in sheep's clothing is more often the designing female preying on the emotions
of the unsuspecting male. Certainly it can be the other way around, but males who are out of touch with all the nuances of female guile can more frequently be the target.
The Scam artist has his/her own agenda. S/he knows his/her own goals and then studies the needs or goals of the mark. Relationships, that are pursued with the main purpose of money,upgrading social status or prestige, and not for the benefit of both parties can be the downfall of both. When this is done with the affairs of the heart; it is trifling
with the other’s affections. Therefore, it becomes a formula for crushed hearts, and sometimes a formula for violence.
We do not suspect that this can happen to us. As one client said to me, “Do people like this really exist?” My answer was, “Unfortunately, yes.” The innocent prey dreams of a perfect relationship and believes that the motives are pure and the intention is love. The mark wants to share, care with unconditional love by giving material goods such as:
a beautiful home, a car, expensive purchases of clothing and jewelry. The receiver is prostituting him or herself if the object is the possession of a gain rather than a sharing of love.*
Relationships that do not have enough similarities; are similar to sand castles which get washed out to sea with the next incoming wave. We expect that to happen with sand castles, but not with Love. Still, a devious individual cloaking his or herself as a loving caring person interested in all that you feel makes it nearly impossible for the layman to discern which is the wolf and which is the lamb until it is too late. Then, the victim is disempowered by his/her own dreams of anticipation of what will be and vulnerable for the kill.
An assessment was built on skewed facts. Hopes begin to feel as if one has developed paranoid distrust as the wolf begins to lose the disguise. Dreams are dashed. Sometimes the realization does not dawn until the person has completely wormed him/herself into ones life.
Often relatives or friends warn of the upcoming disaster. Yet, at that time the ensnared love-stricken person continues unheeding as s/he hurls forward similar to a stampede heading for a cliff without slowing down. Usually there is also a flashing yellow or red light that the
Dupe has ignored.
Protect yourself. Yet, this is nearly impossible when someone misrepresents his/her self, but here are some warning signs.
1. A loving relationship now becomes demanding. Telling you what to do.How stupid you are, etc. Watch out! It can be in the form of control taking the form of putting the innocent on the defensive and creating guilt. Complaining that they are the victim rather than you.
2. The Deceiver may play the role of “I need to be rescued from (whatever).” I need money, love etc. but does not “ask” and only hints at the need.
(Even if the above conditions arrive out of a legitimate situation; these are danger signs regardless of the motives of the party involved.) Give your heart, but not your boundaries of integrity, self identity, and common sense. Should any of these be transgressed at any time in any relationship: find a counselor. Quick!